If the big boys with sticks don't work first time, I'll resort to legal means.
I truly felt very proud to be British, congratulations Danny Boyle, you achieved the near-impossible with a perfect balance of respect and irreverance.
Our opening ceremony was furthest from what I dreaded it would be a kind of X-Factor in sportswear, with special effects provided by the main sponsors.
The Olympics events themselves have gone smoothly so far and seem happily advert-free.